After reading the first collection of Amazon.com reviews, I have some general comments.
1. When writing for the web, avoid the one large paragraph–it is more important to try and break paragraphs up into single ideas. While it would be very rare to have paragraphs of one or two sentences in a traditional paper, it is not uncommon on the web.
2. Remember to put spaces between paragraphs:
http://www.amazon.com/review/R1TKPB685G0KIT/ref=cm_cr_rdp_perm
Formatting issues such as these not only affect readability but also ethos.
3. Similarly, proofreading. Rarely do superficial errors (spelling mistakes, missed commas) affect comprehension (although they can–commas save lives, after all). They do, however, undermine ethos. If you don’t put care into your writing, then it is unlikely that a reader will put any thought into it either.
4. In general, what distinguished an A from a B involved detail and specifics. Another general issue: discussing evidence. Some of this might be the small word counts I have implemented–it takes a bit more space to properly assess evidence. But I would like to see more consistency identifying the types of sources a book uses.
5. Academic gibberish. I received more than a few sentences that look like this:
Going into depth about the forces that drive the economy Debt: Ethics, the Environment, and the Economy (21st Century Studies) relates the economic growth imperative to the climbing debt faced by America as it pertains to sustaining the status of the American economy.
I would split the sentence up after America. Then, in the next sentence, explain what the “economic growth imperative” is. Then you can circle back and explain how this imperative affects sustaining the American economy.
6. But my general advice for revision and copyediting is to read your prose out loud. Your mouth will catch many mistakes that your eyes simply correct. Additionally, your mouth should catch awkward, twisted syntax. If it is difficult for you to read out loud, then it will probably be difficult for a reader who didn’t write it to read at all.
Essentially, there is nothing wrong with writing prose that resembles everyday speech (minus the pause words that so many of us use, the ums, ahs, likes, etc). Often prose goes wrong when people try to over-intellectualize it.
